Sunday, July 20, 2008

What WILL I be when I grow up?

Well, here I sit on a Sunday night, surrounded by all the wonderful things in my life...namely my husband and children. God has also blessed us with all (and then some) that we need as far material possessions go. I know how blessed and fortunate I am...soooo why do I feel so...BLAAAH?

In recent weeks, I have had opportunity to hear about some wonderful things that some of my singer friends are doing or have done. All of them I met while singing at the "Mouse's House" otherwise known as Walt Disney World. My former roommate and singing buddy is getting ready to record her second solo album which is being produced by none other than the fab-tabulous Babbie Mason. Another has traveled with Dr. Jeremiah and his Turning Points Ministry...still others are doing studio work on a regular basis...and the list goes on and on. Now, I'm so happy that they are able to do what they love and are good at...BUUUUUT....(ya know there's always a big but somewhere) I find my flesh being envious and asking..."What about me?" "What happened to my dream?" "Where'd my voice go?" Yes, my flesh is REAL chatty and rather annoying at times!!!! Anyway, as I continue on the journey to regain my voice I find myself frustrated and envious...frustrated that all the "stuff" I'm re-learning isn't coming as quickly as I'd like for it to and envious because I'm not doing as much singing as I thought I'd be doing at this point in my life (nor am I doing it as well - unfortunately). I know I sound like a selfish little "poopie diaper" (infamous Garrett words). I just want my voice to be strong and clear like it used to be...I know it can't sound the same cuz I'm older (and one would think wiser...but alas). I just want to be free from these vocal to sing as loud and as long as I want or need to...I want to be able to worship without my voice just stopping or getting all goofy! I know that I have a lot of work to do as far as reconditioning my voice and I haven't been able to devote as much time as I need to or want to...I guess this is just my little tantrum. I think I'm done now...or maybe not. Thanks for listening (well actually reading). Pray that God will give me patience and endurance to press on so that God can be faithful to complete the good work He began in me. Pray for my is sooooo pesky in this area.

Thanks friends.


Sarah said...

I hear ya girl.
Campmeeting does wonderful things for voices... not. Sawdust everywhere, goop in the throat and nose and eyes. You should come experience it.

Not minimizing your chatty flesh because I get it. I never wanted to record my voice - I don't like the sound of it recorded. I don't crave performance but I do like singing for people. when my flesh was chatty like that I also wondered what I was supposed to be doing... and when I was ready, really ready, BOOM. There it was.

So when you make your record breaking debut album, I'll sing back up. :)

skoots1mom said...

He blesses us with another good work every time He has you sing at church, and i'm thankful i'm receiving you're beautiful renditions. i LOVE to hear you and pray you continue to surmount any dreams you have!

Mezzo Forte said...

thanks guys...i'm glad i have you to encourage and kick me in the seat of the pants when needed. you guys are the best!

skoots1mom said...

so what did you have to do to get wasn't really clear on the instructions, but i assume they asked you a question of somekind...
kidnap me so i can see if i can get out....i'm not as smart as you are

skoots1mom said...

hey, i revised my entry and reloaded my video...see if you can see it now.
God convicted me on some stuff, too, so I had to add that.