Welp, it official...I've given in to the FAT that is me! I have gained every flippity floppin (and I do mean FLOPPIN) pound back that I had lost. I'm so tired of fighting the battle of the bulge...and I'm really ticked at all you "high metabolism" individuals who can eat an entire chocolate cake and remain ridiculously slim...GAAAAGGGG ME!!! - course there's a thought...just kidding. I can't figure out how to break the vicious cycle that is my eating! I mean, when I stick to my plan...I lose .5 - at that rate I'll be slim when I'm oh...say....210 years old! By then, who cares that your boobies are doubling as knee pads or worse yet - shin guards...I'm mean seriously I'm already in a "some number that I won't disclose here" with the cup size LONG!!!! Argh! I have my grandmother's boobs - just roll them babies up and stick in a bra!
I hate being LARGE...I'm a much better person when I'm slim - better attitude, more self esteem. ACK, I hate getting dressed - but realize I must...nobody wants "all this" exposed and besides...I don't think you can get chocolate in the pokey.
Then there's the exercise...when does one do that when one already gets up at 5:00 a.m. but can't go to bed before 11:00 most nights - gotta have clean drawers to wear (for those of you non-southern speakers drawers=underwear). I have tried to get up at 4:30 OMGah!!
Well, I can find all kinds of reasons/excuses but I guess the one thing I'm not owning is my lack of motivation to lose the weight. I guess it's kinda like our faith...we can talk about how we want to believe or what should and shouldn't be but then sometimes we don't put shoes on the faith...ya know. I talk about losing the weight, exercising being a better role model for my kids where food is concerned...but my shoes never make it on! Okay - I'm done
p.s. I do realize that I have much for which to be thankful - a wonderful DH, DD, DS and wonderful friends!
6 comments:
I feel your pain girl.
I need new clothes - I hate to shop because of my excess baggage.
Oh and the BRA issue. Don't get me started.
Sweet girl- don't be so hard on yourself. I have fought this battle since I was 2 years old. My flab has been my constant companion. Food is my best friend and my worst enemy.
Just don't get into the whole self-loathing thing. You are one of the brightest, funniest, most awesome people I know. You are much-loved by many, regardless of body size (which is not as large as you see yourself, I promise you).
You will be able to lose what you want when you are ready. Ask God to help and He will - you can do all things through Christ. Just try to love yourself as much as He and the rest of us do, because you are more than worth it. You are an awesome person and our weight does not define us. We've got your back, girlfriend.
Ooo, you're too sweet Nancy! Thanks so much for the pep talk - I needed to hear it.
I completely understand your frustration. I've been being such a good girl in my eating lately and that stupid, stupid scale refuses to move even one single solitary pound! GRRRR!
Thank you for your comment by the way! You and Robin have really cheered me up as the nasty comment was the first one I ever received!
if it didn't already have mezzo forte on the blog, I could paste this into mine...i'm thar w/u!
I know God wants the best for us. He knows a little about struggle but I so want to ask Him why it is SO difficult...and that "men"o'paus stuff, too! A good sublingual B12 does WONDERS! I was pointed to it recently by my Phys Asst and my gynie. Heavenly thoughts rescue us from all of the current...
"I value all things only by the price they shall gain in eternity."
-John Wesley
I agree with Nancy, you’re too hard on yourself, but then we all are. We all have this societal image of what we are supposed to look like drummed into our head from the time we are old enough to watch television. It makes me insane at the images and the standard that is set by the media and Hollywood as to what the normal size should be for us as women. Statistically I think the normal size for who the average woman is really more in line with how we (all of us rubenesque beauties) are. Don’t beat your self up! But also know that you aren’t alone. We all struggle with the very same issues of trying to find some balance. Do we sleep or do we exercise. Do we choose the orange slices or the DQ blizzard, but hey is that really a choice? Do we have the skinless grilled chicken breast or the fried chicken and mashed potatoes? It is an endless cycle of choices and we all give in from time to time (or all the time) but all we can do is keep trying to make the right choices and live as healthy as possible as often as possible.
However one thing I know for sure is that you looked beautiful as you sang during worship on Sunday morning. We all have trouble really seeing ourselves from the same perspective of what other people see. When your sisters in Christ look at you we see a beautiful mother/wife and child of God with an amazing voice and a wicked sense of humor. In closing how wonderful would it be if whishing all our skinny friends (we all know them, the ones who can eat whatever they want a never gain a single solitary ounce) would wake up tomorrow morning with an additional twenty pounds was a passable substitute for a 45 minute a cardio workout. I’d call that wishful thinking, or maybe even a miracle.
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